The Dream

Dreams, they are funny things, and in most cases, they have the most meaning to the dreamer and to no one else.

I awoke this morning in the midst of a dream that was a delight (in the dream), though if it happened in reality I wouldn't be so excited about it, I'd deal with it and live with it, but it wouldn't be ideal.

I dreamed I was pregnant, in a nutshell, dreaming about being pregnant usually represents a major change is coming, when I awoke I was deciphering the dream and realized that going by the time hints I know that the "change" that was being more than hinted at was about how our lives were going to change and was about the time just before we moved off grid and didn't refer to now. (*)

Here is the dream.

I was at my dad's house, he was still alive, my sister and her best friend had arrived at the house, I had just found out I was pregnant, very pregnant, to the point where I was going to soon go into labor. I was in bed and had just awoke when my sister and her friend arrived, it was so early in the morning that it was still dark. I was debating having my child at home but realized that at my age it would be near impossible to find a midwife that would agree, and it was clear that I hadn't had any medical care during my pregnancy (apparently I didn't know I was pregnant, I thought I was going through the beginning stages of menopause and that was why I wasn't having regular periods, that is something that is going on now in my life and wasn't happening back then...). I was resigning myself to having this baby in a hospital.

After I got out of bed, I noticed my dad was on the phone and seemed to be irritated with whoever he was talking to, it turned out to be a financial organization, I had some money in this financial company and was trying to get it cashed out, my dad was talking as if they had the wrong number and was trying to hang up on them. I was trying to get to him to get the phone out of his hands before he hung up, he managed to get the phone nearly on the hook before I got my hands on it, fortunately he hadn't disconnected the call yet.

As I spoke on the phone, I found out that the stocks that I wanted to cash out were at an all time high and it was a good time to cash out. While doing the transaction, I began telling the lady on the phone about my pregnancy, how excited I was, I told her that I only had one son, that I had made the decision that if I hadn't had another child by the time he started kindergarten that I wouldn't have another child, I didn't want to have children with a huge age gap, so I didn't have another child after my son.

I was watching my son running around the back yard while having this conversation, he was 17 going on 18 in the dream, (that was a time frame hint for me to let me know it wasn't the present). I was running the numbers through my head to figure out the age difference between the two of them.

By this time, I had wandered out into the back yard, still talking to this lady on the phone. The sky was dark, but I could see an aircraft of sorts in the sky (**), it was coming out of the east heading west, it seemed to be a blimp of sorts, but militarized, able to move faster and maneuver easily, it was also armored and quiet, there was a large one and a smaller one attached to it, next to it, not behind or in front of it.

I had time to consider Bob in the dream, I knew we were about to move across the state and live a completely different life, I wondered how having a baby would change our lives. I was also calculating how old I would be at each major stage of my baby's life, how old I would be when school started, during graduation, marriage and such. It was also noted that Bob wasn't there in the dream, that was OK though, he was getting our west Texas-off grid home ready.

In the dream I was delighted about becoming a mother again, even though I knew it would radically change my life. In real life, if I were to find out I was pregnant, well as I said above, I would live with it, I don't believe in abortion, especially if it's just a case of inconvenience. I would accept it and go on with my life, but it wouldn't be what I would want to have happen.


(*) The time frame for the dream was just before we moved to our off grid home, the time hints were the age of my son, being almost 18, my dad still being alive, trying to cash in stock (it was Best Buy employee stock), yet there were hints of today, going through peri-menopause, there were many more hints of this being a previous time rather than being in the present time.

(**) Over the years, I have had recurring dreams of military craft flying over the backyard of my dad's house, it is ALWAYS ominous, sometimes they stop and hover in the air, that is the scariest part. Sometimes in the dreams the aircraft crash in or near my dad's backyard, I always have a deep seated fear of what this means. In each of the dreams, the airplanes are always different, it's not an identical dream, but definitely a recurring theme. Also, the airplanes almost always come out of the west or a westerly direction, in this dream, it was very clear that it came out of the east, far far in the east, heading west.

Where Have I Been?

All righty, here I am again, it's been way too long and I've been way too busy to write here, that is just not right, I know there are a few of you who check here on a semi-regular basis waiting for me to come back and get busy writing here... well here I am, sorry for the absence.

Soooo, you might wonder what I've been up to lately, since my dad passed away, I haven't really had any sort of visitation from him, please understand I'm not LOOKING for it either, my prayer to God about this is "if it's Your Will, then let it happen, if not then so be it"... I prayed it once and let it go, I don't feel like asking for it over and over, even saying "if it's Your Will" is a good thing to do, if it happens then it happens, if not, then it doesn't.

That was the attitude I had about my mother, and it was 4-5 years after her death before I had any sort of encounter with her, it happened in a dream, we had a discussion and she told me how I could contact her again if I ever wanted to, the funny thing is I haven't wanted to, I haven't felt the need, I am not going to seek it, but if it happens again, then so be it, the visit was very spontaneous and that's how I prefer it to be, not me seeking it.

I sometimes feel what I think is my dad's presence, or at least I wonder if he's around, it happens most often when I am singing alone, I wish he could have been able to see me now, leading our music services in church, singing out loud and playing the piano. I would like to think that he is getting to experience it a little now. He knew I was doing this before he passed away, but he never got to hear me singing or leading in the church.

I have to tell you that I come from a very musical as well as artistic family, we have very creative and talented people in my family, and quite frankly that intimidated me quite a bit growing up. I had no idea if I could sing or not, I liked singing OK, I just wouldn't do it if I thought anyone could hear me. I also do some art, drawing and painting, that's not as intimidating, I can show an art piece without having to "perform", I've already done all the hard work, all I have to do is stand next to it.

Fortunately I've found my inner crooner and I'm not as afraid to sing out loud. There are a couple of songs my dad wrote, I remember him singing them in church when I was a little girl, he also played the guitar. I have been working on learning these two songs and hope to have the nerve to perform them in front of the church, soon! I have been practicing singing these songs before church starts, I purposely wait for a few people to be around, I need to learn to sing solo no matter how many people can hear me. It's also hard to sing these songs because of the emotional connection I have to them, it's hard to get through the song without crying, and I don't know about you, but I can't sing if I'm crying.

OK, so a few months ago I had a dream with my dad in it, I don't believe it was really him though, but if it was him, I hope he was OK with my reaction and understands why I had the reaction I did. I dreamed I was in his house, in his bedroom, there were 2 twin beds in there, on the one farthest from me I could detect someone laying in the bed covered up, then he uncovered, it looked like my dad, but he looked so old and frail, he turned over to look at me, almost pleading with me to come over to him... in the dream I knew he was supposed to be dead and my reaction was to rebuke whatever that was, I yelled at it to go away, I yelled that you are supposed to be dead. His face was so pitiful, I turned away and began praying to God asking Him why I was seeing this, why was I being subjected to this... then I awoke.

The reason I don't believe it was really my dad, I don't think he would retain the look of a dying person, he would have no reason to continue looking sick, old and frail, I imagine he would take on the form of a much younger man, healthy and vital, he wouldn't be begging for help, I fully believe this was a trick of the devil, trying to fool me into feeling sorry for whatever "it" was and trying to help it, causing me to become entangled in whatever that thing was.

I haven't had anything like that happen again. I am still waiting, but not seeking a visit or connection.

Another dream I had a few nights ago, I dreamed about my grandfather (from  my mother's side), I wouldn't say I forgot what he looked like, but considering the last time I saw him in living color was when I was a teenager, I don't know if this was really anything or not, but it was certainly good to see his face, to hug his neck and tell him I love him.

This last month has been a month for dreams, usually my dreams are nonsense, sometimes just fun, but I rarely dream about the people I know, when I do there is usually a reason behind it. I did have one more dream that was significant, but I'll save it for another post.

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The Flash

Here's something interesting that happened a few days ago, I am a caretaker for a friend, it's a real paying job, yeah I get paid to visit, clean, cook and shop with my friend... I was at her place, it was evening, the sun was going down, it was just dark enough to begin turning on your headlights, but it was still plenty light enough to see everything pretty clearly. We were standing by my truck, she was talking, I was looking around and suddenly I saw a bright BRIGHT flash, it was bright enough to wash everything out, there were no shadows, no nothing but light, it lasted a microsecond and was gone. I looked at my friend who continued talking as if nothing had just happened, so I waited until she finished her sentence and I asked her if she had just seen something strange, she looked at me so funny and said yes, she had just seen a flash but thought it was just her eyes playing tricks, she has had cataract surgery this last year and it's not uncommon to have the occasional visual blip, she didn't say anything because she thought it was just her and I didn't seem to react.

We stood there for the next 15 minutes describing the same thing to each other. We live in a very VERY rural area, there is no traffic, we are miles and miles from the main road and it's not in line of sight, there are mountains and trees all around us, the sky was clear, we have practically no airplanes or helicopters during the day, and all but none in the evening going into night. I don't know what it was, there was no sound associated with it, it was just a very bright flash, I just realized that there was not an after image like you would see if someone used a flashbulb in your face, it wasn't centralized, it was as if the air flashed but it wasn't in any particular place. The sky was clear, there was the tiniest bit of breeze, we typically have pretty low humidity, there are no other neighbors around that could have caused it (car headlights or porch lights...), oh and it wasn't my vehicle or hers.

Who knows what it was, I do see flashes like this on a semi-regular basis, both inside and outside, this is the first time someone else was with me and saw it too, I might see it once a month or less often. I can't help but to think of that movie "The Matrix", perhaps it's a glitch in the program and we just happened to be in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time...

Dreams

Been dreaming a lot of dreams lately, I generally dream a lot but I don't often remember them, or they fade away quickly upon awakening. I rarely dream things that mean anything, but when I do, they really stick with me.

The latest dream I had that woke me up a few mornings ago, first let me explain why I believe I had this dream, I found an article on Wikipedia about the "drowning response", it's what is actually happening when a person drowns, it's not the kicking flailing screaming scene you see in the movies, it's actually very fast, without much movement. So now to my dream, I was dreaming about the underground tunnels (actually drainage tunnels) that are near where I grew up. These tunnels are pretty big, at least if you are a kid, I believe most adults would be able to stand up in them, I played in them as a kid and a teen, these went under the parking lot of the shopping center and dumped out into a creek, then that lead to some even bigger tunnels, ones you could drive a pickup truck through.


In my dream I was a young boy of about 10 or 11 years old, I was riding a bike across the parking lot of the local shopping center. There was a large carnival going on, it was getting late in the evening, the sun was going down but it wasn't completely dark yet, it was that time of evening when you turn your headlights on but you can still see light in the sky, I was mesmerized by the lights and activity of this carnival but I knew I needed to go home.

As I was riding my bike across the parking lot towards where I lived, I felt this impending danger, something really bad was coming and I might not outrun whatever it was, I didn't think I could make it home. I got to the edge of the parking lot and ditched my bike, I ran into the center of 3 tunnels that are down in a creek bed that goes through the neighborhood, once I got in there, I realized this wasn't the best place to hide so I tried to run out but a great wash of water was flooding in, it was a couple of feet deep and getting deeper, it was moving fast, I had no chance to get out that way, I turned and ran the other way, deeper into the tunnel.

As I was nearing the other end, it changed, in real life the other end of this tunnel is just as open as the first end, but in the dream this tunnel closed down into something very small, there was a concrete ledge going up and I had no choice but to climb, it continued going up like a spiral staircase made of concrete, each level becoming smaller and tighter, the water was coming up behind me. The space became so tight that I was squeezing and contorting my body to get around the next part, I had this thought, "I'm so glad I know these tunnels like the back of my hand...", no sooner had I thought that when my head became stuck in the next turn, I couldn't go any further, it had become too small for me to continue, I didn't believe I could go back the way I came because I was so contorted in this small spiral space, and the water was coming up fast. My next thoughts were that I knew drowning was not painful, it was the waiting and struggling that was horrible, and wondering if anyone would find my body... I awoke after that.

A few nights later, I dreamed that I was in my Dad's house, I saw my younger brother as an adult, as he would look now if he were still alive (he was killed in an accidental shooting 20 something years ago), he looked really good, quite normal (his life was anything but normal, he had lots of problems I will not go into here), I realized that everything looked extra sharp, extra bright without being blinding, there were almost no shadows, everything looked extra real, better than any high-def TV ever thought of being. I realized that I was dead, this was as if I had died instead of my brother, when that thought struck me, I wondered if I could communicate with anyone, so I went up to my brother and I touched my first two fingers of one hand to just under my eyes and then I touched my fingers to just under my brother's eyes, like those military guys do when they are trying to say "keep your eyes peeled" to another soldier in the movies without saying anything. I felt my brother but it was somewhat different than touching something solid, I can't explain, my fingers felt him but he didn't seem to notice the touch. I awoke right after that, it was a strange dream.

I have often wondered how the physical world looks when you are in the spirit world, I've heard different theories, I've heard that the spirits don't see the physical world, they just see lights and such (energy), or that they only see their realms, not ours... now I wonder if what I saw in my dream is how everything looks to a spirit when they are in the physical realm...

The Dream

Friday night, the 20th of May, I had a dream, I don't normally remember my dreams, not that I don't dream or I don't remember all of my dreams, they just usually aren't something that I think about much after I wake up. I know I dream and some leave impressions on me, but I don't usually "dream" about significant things, not on a regular basis. That night was different, I was having a regular dream, nothing exciting or different, there was a person, a lady I believe, though it's not someone I know, this lady suddenly turned to me and said "Your spiritual gift is prophesy"... or she might have said "you are a prophet", I can't remember exactly which it was, but the meaning is the same. I woke up right after that, I began to pray to God, I said that if this was true and from Him, to please give me confirmation. Honestly, this was not something I ever reached for, not something I felt that I needed to do, in fact, it's a bit scary to be given such a "gift", I would rather do healing ministries, and I very well may be allowed to do that too. Anyhoo, I didn't say anything about this to anyone, I didn't want to  spoil the chance of anyone who might confirm this.

So today at church (Sunday), the pastor made a comment about spiritual gifts, he used me as an example saying that I play piano at church, but that might not be my only gift, there may be other things for me to do. After church was over, a lady I know, but not someone I talk to regularly, said she needed to talk to me. I thought she was going to talk about doing pottery or something like that (she's a wonderful artist), she asked me if I knew what my gift is? It was a rhetorical question, she was about to tell me, she said my gift is prophesy. I did not expect to hear that from her, the funny thing is she didn't expect to say it to me either, but she knew she was supposed to give me that info, so she did. Well, there is my confirmation. I had heard the word prophesy several times over the last couple of days, but didn't want to accept that as confirmation, that could have just been coincidence, but there was no way that this lady telling me about my gift was coincidence. So there it is.

I think I am taking this the same way I took being instructed by God to go into the music ministry, it scared the crap outta me to think I was going to play piano in front of the church, or sing or be the music leader for praise and worship... my response to God was, "who, me?"... well, if I must, then please give me the courage, and He did! Now I enjoy it, even if I do freeze up every now and again, I still play and sing to the best of my ability. So now, if this is the direction God wants me to go in, then I have to have faith that He will give me the tools I need to accomplish this, I just have to remember that this isn't coming FROM me, it's coming THROUGH me, I just have to be a willing vessel.

Oh yeah, I said there was 2 things. Last week, while at the Christian class, it was mentioned about people in the Bible "casting lots", I had heard this term before, but thought it meant a form of gambling. Turns out it CAN be used for gambling, but it also had deeper meaning. It turns out that the Levite priests used this to get answers from God, they had (apparently) a black rock and a white rock, one meant "yes", the other "no". I asked my pastor if this was sanctioned by God? Apparently it was, not only sanctioned and approved, but encouraged.

I asked if this could be considered "divining" or divination? I waited until after the class to discuss this further with pastor. My thoughts are, I have experimented with dowsing in the past, when I got baptized, I didn't want to do anything that might be against God's will, I wasn't sure about dowsing, even though I felt like it was OK, there was enough of a doubt that I set it aside and asked God for guidance on the matter. I feel like I am about to get my answer on this matter, I talked to pastor today to remind him that I set up an appointment with him on Monday before the class to discuss this subject. He told me that he had a lot of info on his computer and that he would give me the files for me to read. It turns out that my pastor has no problems with dowsing, he considers it an autonomic response, a physical response and not anything spiritual. I did tell him that I didn't look for water, but I had used it to get answers from God, he seemed OK with that, though a little concerned about being so close to that line that I tend to walk. I will be very interested to see what he got for me.

I also have access to a genuine Levite, I'll explain more about that later. I plan on asking this man about this as well, though this will be next month before I will see him.

A Dream

Had a somewhat disturbing dream this morning, I dreamed I was living where I am right now, but Bob had died, it was a few days after his death and burial. In the dream I was riding my bike from place to place talking to the various people I know out here, not sure why I wasn't driving my bug. Eventually I went home, on the way, it was getting dark, I saw a car coming on the road toward me, I purposely steered my bike to the wrong side of the road, I figured if they hit me, then they hit me. I made it home, the house was empty, I began to cry, I was sad, I was mad at Bob for doing this to me, I wanted to talk to him again so I started calling out to him, I was NOT going to wait years to communicate with him like I did with my Mom.  I know that he didn't believe in after death communication, but I do and by golly, if there was any chance that he was around, he was going to talk to me. Then I woke up.

I don't feel like this is a premonition, I know where this came from, last night I was reading a forum and someone was talking about making an offer on some property, in their next message, they stated that they had become a grandparent, their husband unexpectedly died, and their offer was accepted on the property. When I read it, it seemed rather nonchalant about the husband dying, I would think that would at least rate its own message, and not stuck between a couple of other comments, it came off like "oh well, he's dead now..."

I did receive a message the other day, my mind has been on a few bills that are coming up, so far we have had enough funds to pay the few bills we have, but there are always more coming up, I was "told" not to worry about it, something big is coming and I would be taken care of. I have been told the latter part before, it's always been true so I don't worry too much about it. That little voice has always been accurate, it's not MY voice, I don't know how to properly explain it, it's in my head but it's not me (boy does this sound nuts), I  wonder about this "big thing" coming, I don't know what it is, but I know it will be. I do remember in the dream thinking, I wonder if this (Bob dying) was the "big thing", and if it was, I didn't like it. I'm glad it was just a dream, Bob is getting a few extra hugs today.

Dreaming About Hair

About a month and a half ago, I began to have this reoccurring dream, well the dreams were all different, but the theme was the same. I would "come to" and be standing in a hair salon, behind the chair, with a customer in my chair and I was supposed to be doing this person's hair. I used to be a hairdresser, I did it for 11 years, but it's been that longer than that since I have done hair, at least professionally. When I stopped doing hair, I pretty much stopped for good, I let my license lapse, and I rarely do anyone's hair.

So each time I would dream about doing hair, I would be in a different salon, working on someone different, but my thoughts were pretty much the same, WHAT AM I DOING HERE???!!! I knew in the dream that I wasn't supposed to be there, I knew it had been YEARS since I've done hair. I would wonder how I got there, what I was supposed to be doing to this person in my chair, but my professionalism was still there, I couldn't allow this person to see how scared I was, I was there and this person expected to get their hair done, the last thing I wanted to do was worry them. The first dream was the worst, I woke up in a fright, glad that it was just a dream.

I began having these dreams several times a week. This went on for over a month, each time I was in a different salon, working on a different person, it was never anyone I knew, it was never in a salon I had worked in before. I knew that I could do the basics, but what if that person wanted me to do something more trendy? How would I know how to do something different than I was formerly trained how to do?

After a few weeks of having these dreams, I knew I was supposed to be "getting" something, I just didn't know what. I am not going to be doing hair, oh I cut Bob's hair, more like buzz it off with the clippers, and I have done a haircut on a friend's son, and a haircut on another friend, but other than that, I have not really done hair in years and have no plans on getting back into the biz.

One of the dreams I was working on an older lady, that was the one that scared me the most, I knew I wasn't supposed to be there, yet there I was. In another dream, I was working on a little boy of about 5, he was very hyper (I never liked working on young children, they moved and wiggled, it was difficult to to do a good haircut on them, yet their parents wanted to pay LESS for the haircut, the salon where I worked charged the same for kids as adults, I always HOPED they would leave instead of staying!), so I was cutting this little hyper boy's hair, his mom had a harness and leash on him to keep him from running off. Then she left to go shopping, I finished his haircut, went to the back for a minute, when I came out, the boy was gone! Fortunately I found him quickly and his mom was happy with his hair. In the last dream I had, an older man came in, he wanted a perm. He was completely bald on top, the hair he did have was already curly, and it was rather short. In the dream I didn't know what he wanted, usually at that point you have already had the consultation and know what you are supposed to be doing, I didn't want him to know that I had no clue what he wanted, so I made a snap decision on which perm rods to use based on the length of his hair, I grabbed the perm rods and began rolling. I realized that I would have to roll his hair in a different pattern than I was used to because of his bald head. I woke up after that.

I had realized that in each dream, I got a little more confident, less scared about what was going on, I would just start doing what I was supposed to do, "fake it 'till you make it", that was what we were taught in beauty school. Then it hit me. In the dreams, I was doing something that I hadn't done in a long time, something that I would be very rusty at doing but I knew that it would all come back to me. Sure I would have to re-learn a lot of things that I had forgotten, and I would have to learn some new things, but it would be OK.

This wasn't about doing hair, this is about the decision I made a couple of months ago. Several years ago I had put my spiritual interests "on hold", I didn't cut it off altogether, I just stopped pursuing it. A few months ago, I have had a renewed interested in developing my spiritual interests. I wasn't sure where to start, and I was somewhat concerned about being able to do those things again, would it all come back to me? Well my dreams were telling me not to worry, even though I hadn't done it in a long time, it would all come back to me, I would have to re-learn some things, I would learn new things, some of it would just naturally come back to me, but above all, don't worry about it. It's been over a week and no more dreams about hair, so I feel confident that I finally got the correct message.

I'll post more about what is going on my current life in the next few days. Things are going good and I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. :)