Good Bye Daddy

Here I am, back and feeling better than ever. The last post I posted was about my dad, for those of you who read my other blog, you know that my dad passed away on July 30th, it was good, well as good as a death can be. Let me tell you about it.

Two days after writing my last post here that I had gotten back home, Sunday right after church, I received a phone call from my sister telling me that her hubby and their daughter were on their way to pick me up, I had 7 hours to get ready to go back to Fort Worth. I had been home for a week and one day.

I packed a bag, made some phone calls to let people out here know I would be gone for another little bit, and I waited for my brother in law and niece to arrive. They got here about midnight, I met them at the entrance to my neighborhood, kissed my hubby goodbye and started out on an overnight drive. We arrived in Fort Worth about 8ish in the morning, we went directly to the hospital. I went straight to my dad's room but was only able to stay less than a minute, the hospice people were there and wanted to talk to the family. Those few seconds I was in dad's room, I don't believe he even knew I was there, he had on a full face mask bi-pap machine, it assists in breathing. I couldn't see his face very clearly, and I was sure he couldn't see me, at least not enough to recognize me. He didn't respond at all to me walking in the room.

The hospice nurse told us that it would be next to impossible for us to take him home to die, something my dad wanted to do but had rejected the idea when we brought it up to him before, when he would have been healthy enough to make the trip back to his house. He balked at the idea of having hospice, I suppose it's not easy to accept the idea that one is about to die, he felt like he had more things to do.

We agreed that he would stay at the hospital and began calling family members and friends to come in and say goodbye. We knew he wouldn't see the end of the day. Within an hour or so, that room at the hospital, it was a cardiac ICU, was filled with people, friends, family, neighbors, it was amazing the number of people who showed up. Once the whole family was there (with the exception of 2 family members who were out of town), I told everyone to go outside into the hallway, I had each family member go into the room by themselves to say their final goodbyes. I am so thankful that we had the time and opportunity to do that. I didn't go in and talk to him alone, I had spent days and nights with him before and had already said everything that needed to be said in private.

As the day wore on, more and more people showed up, I am so thankful for the hospital, North Hills Hospital for allowing us to have so many people there, the room was full, we were spilling out into the hallway, and they never once said anything about having too many people there. I suppose they see a lot of people pass with no family or friends there. In fact, during the time I was there before, spending nights up there with dad, I had gone out into the hallway, it was dark and quiet. There had been a door to a room down the hall, there was a sign on the door that said "no visitors, see the nurse's desk", the room door was shut and no one went in or came out. Later that night, I saw the staff going into the room and quietly removing the patient, an older lady, they had her in a body bag, they had placed a hand made crocheted (granny squares) blanket over her, they quietly took her to an elevator that is for hospital staff only. I don't remember seeing anyone coming or going from that room, I wonder if she died alone...

Spending so much time in the hospital, I became very familiar with the routines and sounds of the hospital, and the spirit life there, and believe me, there is a lot of activity. A few hours before my dad passed, I was looking toward the door in the room. I saw a shadow figure go by very quickly, too quickly for a living person to have gone by, and less than a second later, another one, just like the first one flew by, I don't believe they had anything to do with my dad or that room, I believe I just happened to look up at the right time.

Being in the room while my dad was dying was quite an experience, I felt quite honored to be part of it, I talked to my dad nearly the whole time, we played gospel music, we sang, we prayed, we cried, we laughed, we told stories. Dad would respond from time to time, one thing he did was he hit his fist on the bed and said "I'm not ready!", even when you believe in an afterlife, it can be hard to face it, that final step can be a scary one.  I am convinced that he did pass on into Heaven though, about an hour before he breathed his last breath, he looked up toward the end of the bed and said "Hello Anita.", she was his oldest child, I had the honor of being by her side when she passed away some 5-6 years ago, we knew she was a saved Christian, I had been waiting for something like that to happen, I just didn't know who it would be, so when Dad acknowledged her, I felt comfortable that he was going to be OK.

Dad passed away later in the afternoon, he had been there long enough for the nurses, doctors and staff to get to know him, there were tears from them all, the nurses, the lady who cleaned his room, even his doctor there. That is part of the job, but it still doesn't make it any easier.

One of the things my dad and I discussed in the weeks before his death was if it was possible, he would come visit me, I do not actively seek it because I don't want to attract something else that might try to pretend to be my dad. I haven't had a visit from him, there was one dream I had where I thought it might have been him, but I feel quite certain by my response that it wasn't him, I'll talk about that in another post.

Really Back Home

It's been a few weeks since my last post about my dad, let me tell you that when I wrote that I was told he would pull through (ie not die right then), I really wasn't feeling it, I truly thought he would pass any time, I didn't expect him to live, to survive the next few days, but I went ahead and wrote what I had been "told", mainly as a way to document what I had been told, and as per usual, the voice was accurate, not that I believed it, I really thought that this time, the voice was wrong, had to be wrong.

My dad did come home from the hospital, for only a few days though, he began going downhill again and went back in, he is still there, it's been over 2 weeks on this stay in the hospital. I stayed with him as much as I could, mostly staying there overnight, my sister staying with him during the day. He goes up and down, getting better, then getting worse. When it was clear that he wasn't in imminent danger of passing right away, I took the opportunity to come home for a bit, I had some things that needed to be done here, so my sister drove me home, it's some 500 miles away, so it's an overnight trip. I also thought the timing would be best if my dad was still in the hospital while we were gone, the assumption is if/when my dad gets out of the hospital, my sister will move in with him and take care of him.

Honestly I'm thinking I'll be back within a month, well make that about 3 weeks now counting the near week I've been back. I haven't been told anything else, so for now, I'm just going by my gut feelings. I do want to try my utmost best to be by my dad's side when he passes, I want to be holding his hand and talking him into the next world, just like I did with my half sister on her death bed.

Sorry if this sounds a bit disjointed, it's just how things are right now.

Back Home

It's so strange to be in my childhood house again,  this is where I spent most of my growing up years once we settled for good in Texas. This has also been a very active house spiritwise. 

It's been more years than I care to count since I've lived here, and around 4 years since I've been here for a visit. I here now because we thought my dad was on death's door, he had pneumonia and had been hospitalized 2X for it, he also has congestive heart failure. At neatly 84 years of age (he will be turning 84 this coming Sunday) he has lived a good long and healthy life. He still has his mind and has been fairly active until the last few months. 

At this point, it's up in the air whether or not he pulls through this one, literally up to God to take him or not. I'm feeling like he is going to pull through, especially since he's still kicking, just gotta keep him rested and at the same time, try to keep him active enough to build up his strength.

I've been here nearly a couple of weeks, let me go back a bit, a few days before I came out, I had been very busy trying to get the sky castle ready for PB's daughter, SIL and 2 grandsons to come out for a visit, their first visit. The day they were supposed to arrive, I was still trying to do last minute things, around 5ish I took a break and felt an urge to call my dad. I listen to those urges. When he answered, he couldn't speak, he could barely squeak, I could understand his squeaking that he couldn't speak. After questioning him a bit, I found out that he didn't have a sore throat and that he was home alone, he sounded very scared and confused. I told him I would hang up and call my sister.

Turns out my sis had just left him around 45 minutes before and he had been just fine. Once she talked to him, she left what they were doing and went right over, they ended up calling 911 and taking him to the hospital. This would be his 2nd stay in the hospital for pneumonia. I fully believe that if I hadn't called him when I did, he wouldn't have survived.

Hospitals are very hot spots for spiritual activity, of course I saw all sorts of things there, movements and shadows mostly. I ignored them, I was more concerned about my dad at that point. Now that dad is out of the hospital, I'm spending all of my time here taking care of him, this house is still just as active as ever. Sparks of light, shadows, movements, sounds... just like it was before. 

Dad keeps seeing things too, though at this point it's hard to determine how much of it is "real" and how much is the meds and his physical condition.  

I had planned on leaving at the end of this week, but I think I'll stay an extra week, I really want to get home, but dad needs me the most right now. I want to be with him when he passes from this earthly realm into the spirit realm, I don't know how soon that is going to be now. If my "voice" is still accurate, I've been told he will pull through this one. I feel pretty good about it.

Faith

It's funny, for some people they absolutely have to understand something before they will accept it, fortunately that isn't the case for me, that's not to say I don't have a curiosity about how things work, I do, but I have enough faith to accept that which I do not understand.

One of those things in my life is my "ability" to know something or someone is about to enter my life (for the first time or again). What happens is I will suddenly, usually out of the blue think of something or someone, it will be more than just a passing thought, it will often remain on my mind, I have learned through past experience that usually means I will be getting a phone call, or I'll run into that person soon. It happens more often with people, but sometimes it happens with inanimate objects too.

This just happened tonight, let's backtrack a bit. Many years ago, I had made a special music CD for my (late) mom, this was a song that I created using software called Sonic, the song was a techno song, I even made a hand drawn label to go in the CD case. I thought I had lost that song and CD, I didn't have the original anymore, there are a precious few copies, but they seemed lost too. The other day I thought about that song, I lamented the fact that I probably would never hear it again. I thought about that CD and song off and on for most of the day, then put the thought away.

This evening, I was chatting online with my sister, she told me that she found her copy of that CD, she had misplaced it too, I was so excited, she is going to make a copy and scan the hand drawn cover too, I will once again have this song and a copy of the cover.

Now for the understanding part, I wonder how this works, is it a matter of my "mind" knowing more about what is going on in time and space and somehow I knew I was about to "find" this lost item again, or did I somehow put out the intention of wanting to find it again and that is how it came back into my life again (I drew it into my life)...

I don't believe these are just coincidences, it happens too often, I have no "proof" to provide, I just know it happens, and happens frequently and regularly. I don't "try" to do it, I don't try to control it, it just happens. Fortunately I am usually able to recognize it as it is happening, usually about people, not so much about things, I will start thinking about someone and I start looking for them, knowing I will see or talk to them soon, usually within a week or less.

Golden Light Ball Sighting

My Dad is here for a visit, he drove 500 miles and will be staying for a month. He has been here just a few days. Yesterday, he mentioned something interesting to me, he had been down at my neighbor's house watching TV, no one else was in the house at that moment, and he saw a golden colored ball of light appear under a set of shelves in the living room, next to the TV, it appeared and moved toward the inside of the room then vanished. There is nothing down there that should or could have created this light. My Dad asked me if I had ever seen this before, I have, many times, but I know I haven't told him about it, we have not discussed this particular thing before, I just did a quick search of this blog and I haven't written anything specific about this either, so my Dad independently confirmed the golden colored light sighting for me.

Not sure exactly what it means, it just appears, moved away from the shelf, close to the floor then it vanishes. I don't get any particular feeling about it, I just see it then it's gone. Now someone else has seen the exact same thing in the exact same place where I see it.

I also found out that my Dad has been seeing a phantom dog of his own, it looks just like his dog, I wonder what this phenomena is? Seeing your own dog as a phantom dog, that is a strange thing indeed. Dear reader, I ask you, have you ever seen a phantom of your own pet that was still alive? Do you have any theories or thoughts about this?

The Night My Mom Came For A Visit

Here is a strange occurrence that happened to me. This happened back in 87 or 88, my (now ex) husband and our almost 2 year old son were living in Oregon with my inlaws. We slept in the converted attic, my hubby and I had the room on one side, our son had the room on the other side. I was very close to my mom and missed her terribly, she was back in Texas. We didn't get to talk very often and I knew it would be a long time before I saw her again. This was the first time I had been this far away from home and my family.

Our bed was a double sized bed, we barely had enough room to sleep on this bed, we were constantly jostling for space. The bed was pushed against one wall, I slept on that side, so often times I was squished against the wall. One night,  I don't believe I had been alseep yet, I was being really pushed into the wall, I was laying on my back, I turned my head toward my hubby, I was about to ask for more room, or just gently push him over, before I could speak, I could see a third person in the bed between us. This was a full grown person, not our son, he was sleeping in a crib and couldn't get out. There was a bright light right outside the window so I could see clearly that there was another person in the bed.

I froze, not knowing exactly what I should do first, then I realized it was my mother! Now anyone who has a perverted mind can just go away right now, or at least thank me for the fantasy fodder. I could feel my mother's body up against mine, shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, hip to hip, leg to leg. I wondered what I should do. I could clearly see her, feel her, I could also see my hubby on the edge of the bed, on the verge of falling off. I was very comforted by all of this, it reminded me of when I was a child, all of us kids would climb into bed with mom and dad, especially on the weekends, there was no safer or more comfortable place. So that night I was transported back to my childhood, albeit briefly. I was afraid to move, afraid it would all disappear. I stayed awake as long as I could, eventually I fell asleep. The next morning, I was disappointed to realize that she wasn't really there, though I knew in reality that she wouldn't be there. I asked my hubby if he remembered anything about the night before, he said that I was really crowding him.

The other thing I realized the next morning is that my mother was not wearing anything, I felt no clothing, no nightgown or anything. I thought this strange as my mother was always cold, especially at night, as far back as I could remember my mother wore nightgowns to bed, flannel in the winter, and lighter materials in the summer. This was in the middle of winter, so my mother should have been wearing SOMETHING to bed.

I called my mother that day to ask her if she remembered anything about the night before, she didn't, she said she slept just fine, then I asked her about sleeping in the nude, well to my surprise she told me that she had been sleeping in the nude for some time. Talk about a confirmation! I told her about what happened, she wasn't surprised about it at all, though she had no memory of it.

There were many other things that happened in my in-law's house in the time we lived there. This house was over 100 years old, it was in a historic district, which only meant that you had to go before a committee if you wanted to change the color of your house, or do anything that would affect the outside appearance of the house. Anyhoo, one thing that was always in the house was something referred to as a residual, I could see a man standing just outside the landing for the attic stairs, he was about to go up the stairs. He never moved or reacted, I didn't feel anything from him, he was merely a 3D snapshop, this was not a spirit, just a memory. I don't know what caused this residual to happen right there, but it was definitely there. He wore a red and black flannel, long sleeved shirt and either brown or dark tan pants. He has short, dark hair, I wonder if he was a logger. I couldn't see him if I looked directly at him, I had to use my peripheral vision.

Another thing that happened in that house was one weekend, my in-laws had gone out of town for the weekend. My hubby was taking a shower, I was chasing our son through the house, we were having fun. The bathroom door was open, I could hear things hitting the floor in the bathroom, then I heard my hubby yell at our son to stop it and get out. Well our son was with me, not in the bathroom. I went in there to see what he was yelling about, I could see toiletries and shaving stuff on the floor in front of the washer and dryer. My hubby would place a towel on the dryer and place his shaving and other things on top of the towel. It appeared that "someone" had pulled the towel part way off the dryer and some of the things were on the floor, the rest of it was not far behind.

I asked my hubby why was he yelling at our son, he replied that our son had been in there pulling on the towel, I informed him that our son had been with me the whole time, he had not gone into the bathroom, I even heard the stuff hitting the floor, we had been in the kitchen when that happened.

The shower was a walk in shower, with room for 2, the door was a sliding door with translucent glass, my hubby never said that he saw anyone, but SOMEONE pulled that towel, and no the washer and dryer were not running at the time. At first my hubby said that I had put our son up to doing that as a prank, eventually I convinced him that neither of us did it.

I was not happy living there, I missed my family very much, especially my mother. I didn't get along with my mother in law, we just had different opinions about nearly everything, from how to raise my son, what foods to cook, to what books I read from the library. I spent a lot of time upstairs in my room during the day, the only time I felt even semi-comfortable in the house was after everyone went to bed. I would sit up in the den watching TV. One night I felt something warm and furry rub against my feet. I pulled my feet up and looked, I saw nothing. The only light in the room was coming from the TV. This felt like a small cat or kitten. This happened nearly every night after that, I never saw anything, I just felt the furry sensation on my feet. There were no animals in that house, at least not ones that anyone could see. :) This was comforting to me.

That is about everything I can remember, it seems like a lot, but this took place over a 9 month period. I spent the winter and spring in Oregon, and as pretty as Oregon is, and as nice as the people there are, all I wanted to do was go home to Texas. I finally got my wish and I have not left Texas since. :)