Where Have I Been?

All righty, here I am again, it's been way too long and I've been way too busy to write here, that is just not right, I know there are a few of you who check here on a semi-regular basis waiting for me to come back and get busy writing here... well here I am, sorry for the absence.

Soooo, you might wonder what I've been up to lately, since my dad passed away, I haven't really had any sort of visitation from him, please understand I'm not LOOKING for it either, my prayer to God about this is "if it's Your Will, then let it happen, if not then so be it"... I prayed it once and let it go, I don't feel like asking for it over and over, even saying "if it's Your Will" is a good thing to do, if it happens then it happens, if not, then it doesn't.

That was the attitude I had about my mother, and it was 4-5 years after her death before I had any sort of encounter with her, it happened in a dream, we had a discussion and she told me how I could contact her again if I ever wanted to, the funny thing is I haven't wanted to, I haven't felt the need, I am not going to seek it, but if it happens again, then so be it, the visit was very spontaneous and that's how I prefer it to be, not me seeking it.

I sometimes feel what I think is my dad's presence, or at least I wonder if he's around, it happens most often when I am singing alone, I wish he could have been able to see me now, leading our music services in church, singing out loud and playing the piano. I would like to think that he is getting to experience it a little now. He knew I was doing this before he passed away, but he never got to hear me singing or leading in the church.

I have to tell you that I come from a very musical as well as artistic family, we have very creative and talented people in my family, and quite frankly that intimidated me quite a bit growing up. I had no idea if I could sing or not, I liked singing OK, I just wouldn't do it if I thought anyone could hear me. I also do some art, drawing and painting, that's not as intimidating, I can show an art piece without having to "perform", I've already done all the hard work, all I have to do is stand next to it.

Fortunately I've found my inner crooner and I'm not as afraid to sing out loud. There are a couple of songs my dad wrote, I remember him singing them in church when I was a little girl, he also played the guitar. I have been working on learning these two songs and hope to have the nerve to perform them in front of the church, soon! I have been practicing singing these songs before church starts, I purposely wait for a few people to be around, I need to learn to sing solo no matter how many people can hear me. It's also hard to sing these songs because of the emotional connection I have to them, it's hard to get through the song without crying, and I don't know about you, but I can't sing if I'm crying.

OK, so a few months ago I had a dream with my dad in it, I don't believe it was really him though, but if it was him, I hope he was OK with my reaction and understands why I had the reaction I did. I dreamed I was in his house, in his bedroom, there were 2 twin beds in there, on the one farthest from me I could detect someone laying in the bed covered up, then he uncovered, it looked like my dad, but he looked so old and frail, he turned over to look at me, almost pleading with me to come over to him... in the dream I knew he was supposed to be dead and my reaction was to rebuke whatever that was, I yelled at it to go away, I yelled that you are supposed to be dead. His face was so pitiful, I turned away and began praying to God asking Him why I was seeing this, why was I being subjected to this... then I awoke.

The reason I don't believe it was really my dad, I don't think he would retain the look of a dying person, he would have no reason to continue looking sick, old and frail, I imagine he would take on the form of a much younger man, healthy and vital, he wouldn't be begging for help, I fully believe this was a trick of the devil, trying to fool me into feeling sorry for whatever "it" was and trying to help it, causing me to become entangled in whatever that thing was.

I haven't had anything like that happen again. I am still waiting, but not seeking a visit or connection.

Another dream I had a few nights ago, I dreamed about my grandfather (from  my mother's side), I wouldn't say I forgot what he looked like, but considering the last time I saw him in living color was when I was a teenager, I don't know if this was really anything or not, but it was certainly good to see his face, to hug his neck and tell him I love him.

This last month has been a month for dreams, usually my dreams are nonsense, sometimes just fun, but I rarely dream about the people I know, when I do there is usually a reason behind it. I did have one more dream that was significant, but I'll save it for another post.

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The Flash

Here's something interesting that happened a few days ago, I am a caretaker for a friend, it's a real paying job, yeah I get paid to visit, clean, cook and shop with my friend... I was at her place, it was evening, the sun was going down, it was just dark enough to begin turning on your headlights, but it was still plenty light enough to see everything pretty clearly. We were standing by my truck, she was talking, I was looking around and suddenly I saw a bright BRIGHT flash, it was bright enough to wash everything out, there were no shadows, no nothing but light, it lasted a microsecond and was gone. I looked at my friend who continued talking as if nothing had just happened, so I waited until she finished her sentence and I asked her if she had just seen something strange, she looked at me so funny and said yes, she had just seen a flash but thought it was just her eyes playing tricks, she has had cataract surgery this last year and it's not uncommon to have the occasional visual blip, she didn't say anything because she thought it was just her and I didn't seem to react.

We stood there for the next 15 minutes describing the same thing to each other. We live in a very VERY rural area, there is no traffic, we are miles and miles from the main road and it's not in line of sight, there are mountains and trees all around us, the sky was clear, we have practically no airplanes or helicopters during the day, and all but none in the evening going into night. I don't know what it was, there was no sound associated with it, it was just a very bright flash, I just realized that there was not an after image like you would see if someone used a flashbulb in your face, it wasn't centralized, it was as if the air flashed but it wasn't in any particular place. The sky was clear, there was the tiniest bit of breeze, we typically have pretty low humidity, there are no other neighbors around that could have caused it (car headlights or porch lights...), oh and it wasn't my vehicle or hers.

Who knows what it was, I do see flashes like this on a semi-regular basis, both inside and outside, this is the first time someone else was with me and saw it too, I might see it once a month or less often. I can't help but to think of that movie "The Matrix", perhaps it's a glitch in the program and we just happened to be in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time...

The Dream

Friday night, the 20th of May, I had a dream, I don't normally remember my dreams, not that I don't dream or I don't remember all of my dreams, they just usually aren't something that I think about much after I wake up. I know I dream and some leave impressions on me, but I don't usually "dream" about significant things, not on a regular basis. That night was different, I was having a regular dream, nothing exciting or different, there was a person, a lady I believe, though it's not someone I know, this lady suddenly turned to me and said "Your spiritual gift is prophesy"... or she might have said "you are a prophet", I can't remember exactly which it was, but the meaning is the same. I woke up right after that, I began to pray to God, I said that if this was true and from Him, to please give me confirmation. Honestly, this was not something I ever reached for, not something I felt that I needed to do, in fact, it's a bit scary to be given such a "gift", I would rather do healing ministries, and I very well may be allowed to do that too. Anyhoo, I didn't say anything about this to anyone, I didn't want to  spoil the chance of anyone who might confirm this.

So today at church (Sunday), the pastor made a comment about spiritual gifts, he used me as an example saying that I play piano at church, but that might not be my only gift, there may be other things for me to do. After church was over, a lady I know, but not someone I talk to regularly, said she needed to talk to me. I thought she was going to talk about doing pottery or something like that (she's a wonderful artist), she asked me if I knew what my gift is? It was a rhetorical question, she was about to tell me, she said my gift is prophesy. I did not expect to hear that from her, the funny thing is she didn't expect to say it to me either, but she knew she was supposed to give me that info, so she did. Well, there is my confirmation. I had heard the word prophesy several times over the last couple of days, but didn't want to accept that as confirmation, that could have just been coincidence, but there was no way that this lady telling me about my gift was coincidence. So there it is.

I think I am taking this the same way I took being instructed by God to go into the music ministry, it scared the crap outta me to think I was going to play piano in front of the church, or sing or be the music leader for praise and worship... my response to God was, "who, me?"... well, if I must, then please give me the courage, and He did! Now I enjoy it, even if I do freeze up every now and again, I still play and sing to the best of my ability. So now, if this is the direction God wants me to go in, then I have to have faith that He will give me the tools I need to accomplish this, I just have to remember that this isn't coming FROM me, it's coming THROUGH me, I just have to be a willing vessel.

Oh yeah, I said there was 2 things. Last week, while at the Christian class, it was mentioned about people in the Bible "casting lots", I had heard this term before, but thought it meant a form of gambling. Turns out it CAN be used for gambling, but it also had deeper meaning. It turns out that the Levite priests used this to get answers from God, they had (apparently) a black rock and a white rock, one meant "yes", the other "no". I asked my pastor if this was sanctioned by God? Apparently it was, not only sanctioned and approved, but encouraged.

I asked if this could be considered "divining" or divination? I waited until after the class to discuss this further with pastor. My thoughts are, I have experimented with dowsing in the past, when I got baptized, I didn't want to do anything that might be against God's will, I wasn't sure about dowsing, even though I felt like it was OK, there was enough of a doubt that I set it aside and asked God for guidance on the matter. I feel like I am about to get my answer on this matter, I talked to pastor today to remind him that I set up an appointment with him on Monday before the class to discuss this subject. He told me that he had a lot of info on his computer and that he would give me the files for me to read. It turns out that my pastor has no problems with dowsing, he considers it an autonomic response, a physical response and not anything spiritual. I did tell him that I didn't look for water, but I had used it to get answers from God, he seemed OK with that, though a little concerned about being so close to that line that I tend to walk. I will be very interested to see what he got for me.

I also have access to a genuine Levite, I'll explain more about that later. I plan on asking this man about this as well, though this will be next month before I will see him.

Lot's O' Stuff Going On

I have been meaning to write more here, don't ya just hate it when a blogger keeps saying that? So here I am. My spiritual life has been growing and growing.  I am getting more and more comfortable with myself and my spirituality at the same time. I had a few adjustments to make after my baptism, there were some small things were taken from me, at the time I had no idea what those would be, I just hoped it wouldn't be everything about my spiritual life, but was willing to give up any and all of it if that was necessary, I can truly thank God that it was not all taken, just tweaked to be even better.

My walk and talk with God has gotten better and better, closer and closer. I am participating in a Christian class at church, it's by John MacArthur, it's called Fundamentals of the Faith, I have enjoyed learning more and more, even if I don't agree with everything MacArthur says, especially about the spiritual gifts, he says some of them were only meant for the Bible days and aren't meant for today, I disagree, when God gives gifts, He doesn't take them back. I also know that we humans aren't going to agree with each other 100% of the time...

To update some of my spiritual experiences I have had recently, a month ago (+/-) I was in my Bug on the way to church in the afternoon, I was by myself, I live in a very rural area with mountainous dirt roads that are curvy and have lots of hills and valleys. There are places where the road is not wide enough for 2 vehicles to pass, it's a good idea to drive slow out here, sometimes I will think I'm going too fast only to look down and see I am going 15 mph. Anyhoo, I was going to the church, doing my normal speed on this particular part of the road, I was "told" to slow down, I didn't question it or even think about it, I just did it, I dropped my speed by about 5 mph, I began looking ahead to see why I had been instructed to slow down. I expected to see animals in the road (a common occurrence out here), maybe deer or feral donkeys, I was coming to a curve in the road when I saw the UPS truck coming the opposite direction, he was in the middle of the road coming around that curve, there was not enough room for both of us to be on that spot at the same time, if I hadn't slowed down, I would have been there at the same time as the UPS truck, would there have been a crash? I don't know, possibly a crash, possibly one or both of us might have ended up sliding off the road, I do know that it would have been at least a close call, not something I relish thinking about, much less experiencing...

I am still seeing into the spirit world, little sparks of light, the glowing orbs, the shadows and such.  For the most part, I just look and go on, I don't try to interact or communicate with whatever these things are. My neighbor's house had been pretty quiet the last few months, but things have been ramping back up, I have been seeing different things there, things like sparks of light near the ceiling. Yesterday, I was down there with my Dad, he had fallen asleep in the recliner, I laid down on the couch to catch a nap too, when I saw a large, shaggy looking shadow flying across the cabinet doors in the dining room, I have been seeing more and more activity in that part of the house. This only lasted a few seconds, but was significantly different from the other things I have seen there, it left an impression on my mind. I didn't say anything to my Dad about this though. So today, after church, we ate lunch at my neighbor's house, then my Dad laid back in the recliner and wanted to take a nap, I told him I was going up to my house, if he needed me, he could call me.

I had gotten up to my house (it's a bit of a hike up a mountain side to get to my house), I had enough time to get on the internet and check my email when my Dad called, he said he needed me back down there asap. When I got there, he was a little shaken up, he said he had not been asleep yet, but his eyes were closed, then something grabbed his foot. He opened his eyes and saw nothing, then he saw what he described at a large, dark tubular thing near the ceiling going toward the dining room. He rebuked it and it left him alone. Shortly after I got back down there, he told me that he saw something else, it looked like a small bird going toward the dining room, his dog also responded to this. It's strange that the sightings in that house had changed so much, I hadn't said anything to my Dad about this, yet he is also seeing these things too.

I have another 2 things to write about, I'll only tease you with them and say they are VERY GOOD THINGS, exciting things, somewhat scary too, but not in the spooky sense, scary because of the great potential and the responsibility that go with it. I'll write about them in the next few days.

A Funny Thing Happened At The Church...

It's been a while since I've written anything here, just didn't have much going on spirit wise, nothing out of the ordinary that is, other than the usual sightings of shadows, movements and such. It seems that my spiritual activity (that includes more than just spirits BTW) seems to come in waves, starting out slow, building up to intense, then slowing down to nearly nothing. I am in the ramping up phase of this newest wave. Oh, I don't try to make it happen or not happen, it just is.

So recently things have began happening again, I have been observing it mostly, I generally don't actively interact with what goes on, I'm pretty content to (mostly) observe. Here is the latest thing to happen, and of all places, it happened in a church. ;)

I went to our local church to talk to the pastor a few days ago, he is a nice man, I like him and feel pretty comfortable with him. Of course I haven't gone into any detail, or even skirted about my spiritual side, many clergy do not understand so I tend to keep that part to myself. Anyhoo, this was the first time I had been inside the church itself, I had been in the other part of the church, where they hold meetings and such, but not inside the main part of the church. During our chat, the sky opened up and it began to pour rain, lightening, thunder, hail, the whole 9 yards. The pastor mentioned that the last big expenditure of the church was to have a new roof put on, it was clear to see that the church has leaked, quite a lot in the past, but he assured me that since the new roof had been put on, not one drop had entered the church.

At the end of our chat, he was walking me out, another person was coming in, this person knew I was leaving and tried 3 times to give me his umbrella. I politely turned it down as we were walking toward the door, then I stopped, right in the center of the church, there is a big cupola with windows overhead. I stopped and looked straight up, the pastor asked me if I had just been hit with a drip of water, I replied "No, I'm waiting for it to start...", right then we both turned around toward the pulpit, there was water pouring in on top of the pulpit! The pastor was surprised but sprang into action, that was something he had dealt with on a regular basis before the new roof.  Once everything was safely out of the path of the water, and a trash can placed under the torrent, we again started walking out of the church.

The other person who had come in still insisted that I take his umbrella, it was still pouring very hard, I would have gotten drenched before I could have entered my car, again I said no, that it would stop raining in a few minutes, at least long enough for me to get to my car. No sooner than I said that, the rain began to slack off, and in a minute or so, the rain had all but stopped. That was my cue to leave.

I wonder now that the pastor has had time to digest everything that happened in the church, what he thinks of me? Understand that I wasn't doing anything unusual for me, and I wasn't trying to do this, it just happened and I reacted as I would any other time, I wasn't putting on a "show" for the pastor, I wasn't trying to test his reaction. I will say that I have been to ladies meetings led by his wife, and I have been around his wife at other times, she tells me that she likes it when I am around, I have a calming spirit (her words).  So if the pastor tells his wife about what happened in the church, I hope she still has the same feelings about me, I'll know next time I see them. :)

Oh, I almost forgot, we prayed at the beginning and at the end of our chat, he prayed out loud, I prayed silently as is my custom, I had my hands on the small table between us, at each prayer my hands tingled like crazy, this is something that happens all of the time now, any time I pray, any time I am sending out healing energy, or blessings, my hands immediately tingle, I often feel as if there is an energy ball, about the size of a basketball between my hands, this has become the norm, I usually look for it to happen, this time it happened spontaneously, I wasn't expecting it, I wasn't not expecting it either (I know, bad English, get over it, grin), perhaps I was not expecting it because I was praying with a member of the clergy one on one, and this was the first time those two things happened at the same time in many MANY years. I wondered, during the prayer, if he had opened his eyes, would he have seen anything on or near my hands?