Good Bye Daddy

Here I am, back and feeling better than ever. The last post I posted was about my dad, for those of you who read my other blog, you know that my dad passed away on July 30th, it was good, well as good as a death can be. Let me tell you about it.

Two days after writing my last post here that I had gotten back home, Sunday right after church, I received a phone call from my sister telling me that her hubby and their daughter were on their way to pick me up, I had 7 hours to get ready to go back to Fort Worth. I had been home for a week and one day.

I packed a bag, made some phone calls to let people out here know I would be gone for another little bit, and I waited for my brother in law and niece to arrive. They got here about midnight, I met them at the entrance to my neighborhood, kissed my hubby goodbye and started out on an overnight drive. We arrived in Fort Worth about 8ish in the morning, we went directly to the hospital. I went straight to my dad's room but was only able to stay less than a minute, the hospice people were there and wanted to talk to the family. Those few seconds I was in dad's room, I don't believe he even knew I was there, he had on a full face mask bi-pap machine, it assists in breathing. I couldn't see his face very clearly, and I was sure he couldn't see me, at least not enough to recognize me. He didn't respond at all to me walking in the room.

The hospice nurse told us that it would be next to impossible for us to take him home to die, something my dad wanted to do but had rejected the idea when we brought it up to him before, when he would have been healthy enough to make the trip back to his house. He balked at the idea of having hospice, I suppose it's not easy to accept the idea that one is about to die, he felt like he had more things to do.

We agreed that he would stay at the hospital and began calling family members and friends to come in and say goodbye. We knew he wouldn't see the end of the day. Within an hour or so, that room at the hospital, it was a cardiac ICU, was filled with people, friends, family, neighbors, it was amazing the number of people who showed up. Once the whole family was there (with the exception of 2 family members who were out of town), I told everyone to go outside into the hallway, I had each family member go into the room by themselves to say their final goodbyes. I am so thankful that we had the time and opportunity to do that. I didn't go in and talk to him alone, I had spent days and nights with him before and had already said everything that needed to be said in private.

As the day wore on, more and more people showed up, I am so thankful for the hospital, North Hills Hospital for allowing us to have so many people there, the room was full, we were spilling out into the hallway, and they never once said anything about having too many people there. I suppose they see a lot of people pass with no family or friends there. In fact, during the time I was there before, spending nights up there with dad, I had gone out into the hallway, it was dark and quiet. There had been a door to a room down the hall, there was a sign on the door that said "no visitors, see the nurse's desk", the room door was shut and no one went in or came out. Later that night, I saw the staff going into the room and quietly removing the patient, an older lady, they had her in a body bag, they had placed a hand made crocheted (granny squares) blanket over her, they quietly took her to an elevator that is for hospital staff only. I don't remember seeing anyone coming or going from that room, I wonder if she died alone...

Spending so much time in the hospital, I became very familiar with the routines and sounds of the hospital, and the spirit life there, and believe me, there is a lot of activity. A few hours before my dad passed, I was looking toward the door in the room. I saw a shadow figure go by very quickly, too quickly for a living person to have gone by, and less than a second later, another one, just like the first one flew by, I don't believe they had anything to do with my dad or that room, I believe I just happened to look up at the right time.

Being in the room while my dad was dying was quite an experience, I felt quite honored to be part of it, I talked to my dad nearly the whole time, we played gospel music, we sang, we prayed, we cried, we laughed, we told stories. Dad would respond from time to time, one thing he did was he hit his fist on the bed and said "I'm not ready!", even when you believe in an afterlife, it can be hard to face it, that final step can be a scary one.  I am convinced that he did pass on into Heaven though, about an hour before he breathed his last breath, he looked up toward the end of the bed and said "Hello Anita.", she was his oldest child, I had the honor of being by her side when she passed away some 5-6 years ago, we knew she was a saved Christian, I had been waiting for something like that to happen, I just didn't know who it would be, so when Dad acknowledged her, I felt comfortable that he was going to be OK.

Dad passed away later in the afternoon, he had been there long enough for the nurses, doctors and staff to get to know him, there were tears from them all, the nurses, the lady who cleaned his room, even his doctor there. That is part of the job, but it still doesn't make it any easier.

One of the things my dad and I discussed in the weeks before his death was if it was possible, he would come visit me, I do not actively seek it because I don't want to attract something else that might try to pretend to be my dad. I haven't had a visit from him, there was one dream I had where I thought it might have been him, but I feel quite certain by my response that it wasn't him, I'll talk about that in another post.

Really Back Home

It's been a few weeks since my last post about my dad, let me tell you that when I wrote that I was told he would pull through (ie not die right then), I really wasn't feeling it, I truly thought he would pass any time, I didn't expect him to live, to survive the next few days, but I went ahead and wrote what I had been "told", mainly as a way to document what I had been told, and as per usual, the voice was accurate, not that I believed it, I really thought that this time, the voice was wrong, had to be wrong.

My dad did come home from the hospital, for only a few days though, he began going downhill again and went back in, he is still there, it's been over 2 weeks on this stay in the hospital. I stayed with him as much as I could, mostly staying there overnight, my sister staying with him during the day. He goes up and down, getting better, then getting worse. When it was clear that he wasn't in imminent danger of passing right away, I took the opportunity to come home for a bit, I had some things that needed to be done here, so my sister drove me home, it's some 500 miles away, so it's an overnight trip. I also thought the timing would be best if my dad was still in the hospital while we were gone, the assumption is if/when my dad gets out of the hospital, my sister will move in with him and take care of him.

Honestly I'm thinking I'll be back within a month, well make that about 3 weeks now counting the near week I've been back. I haven't been told anything else, so for now, I'm just going by my gut feelings. I do want to try my utmost best to be by my dad's side when he passes, I want to be holding his hand and talking him into the next world, just like I did with my half sister on her death bed.

Sorry if this sounds a bit disjointed, it's just how things are right now.

Back Home

It's so strange to be in my childhood house again,  this is where I spent most of my growing up years once we settled for good in Texas. This has also been a very active house spiritwise. 

It's been more years than I care to count since I've lived here, and around 4 years since I've been here for a visit. I here now because we thought my dad was on death's door, he had pneumonia and had been hospitalized 2X for it, he also has congestive heart failure. At neatly 84 years of age (he will be turning 84 this coming Sunday) he has lived a good long and healthy life. He still has his mind and has been fairly active until the last few months. 

At this point, it's up in the air whether or not he pulls through this one, literally up to God to take him or not. I'm feeling like he is going to pull through, especially since he's still kicking, just gotta keep him rested and at the same time, try to keep him active enough to build up his strength.

I've been here nearly a couple of weeks, let me go back a bit, a few days before I came out, I had been very busy trying to get the sky castle ready for PB's daughter, SIL and 2 grandsons to come out for a visit, their first visit. The day they were supposed to arrive, I was still trying to do last minute things, around 5ish I took a break and felt an urge to call my dad. I listen to those urges. When he answered, he couldn't speak, he could barely squeak, I could understand his squeaking that he couldn't speak. After questioning him a bit, I found out that he didn't have a sore throat and that he was home alone, he sounded very scared and confused. I told him I would hang up and call my sister.

Turns out my sis had just left him around 45 minutes before and he had been just fine. Once she talked to him, she left what they were doing and went right over, they ended up calling 911 and taking him to the hospital. This would be his 2nd stay in the hospital for pneumonia. I fully believe that if I hadn't called him when I did, he wouldn't have survived.

Hospitals are very hot spots for spiritual activity, of course I saw all sorts of things there, movements and shadows mostly. I ignored them, I was more concerned about my dad at that point. Now that dad is out of the hospital, I'm spending all of my time here taking care of him, this house is still just as active as ever. Sparks of light, shadows, movements, sounds... just like it was before. 

Dad keeps seeing things too, though at this point it's hard to determine how much of it is "real" and how much is the meds and his physical condition.  

I had planned on leaving at the end of this week, but I think I'll stay an extra week, I really want to get home, but dad needs me the most right now. I want to be with him when he passes from this earthly realm into the spirit realm, I don't know how soon that is going to be now. If my "voice" is still accurate, I've been told he will pull through this one. I feel pretty good about it.

Things are ramping up...

Things have been more or less going pretty level spiritwise for the last few months, that is until the last few weeks, I have been seeing a jump in activity. The other night, I saw a willowy wispy form move in the air across the end of my bed, it was about 4-5 feet tall, pointy on the top and bottom, here is a picture of what it looked like to me. I only saw it for a few seconds, it moved across the end of the bed, closer to the ceiling than to the bed.

As I drew this, I realized it looks more like a flaming banana in the picture, you'll just have to take my word for it, I wasn't thinking flaming banana when I saw it. It did have a slight glow, it was brighter than the surrounding dark, and there is NO WAY this was a reflection of a vehicle going by, I live on a mountain side in a very isolated, rural area, with private roads that aren't traveled much during the day and almost no traffic at night. If it was a reflection, it wouldn't have happened at that part of my bedroom. This was 3 dimensional, floating through the air. As far as I can recall, this is the first time I've seen this particular shape. I don't know what to think of it as of yet, I just turned over and went to sleep.

I have been seeing more orb shapes, the strange thing about them is usually these are seen at night and they have a glow, what I have been seeing is almost the opposite, it's during the day, in the light and the orb is black, with fuzzy outlines, not a hard shape, these are about the size of a tennis ball and floating near the ground but not on the ground. I hate using the term "orb", that term has lots of connotations, but that is the best way to describe what they look like, a ball, usually glowing slightly, now these are dark, as if they are absorbing light instead of giving off light, like it's a negative, null or void space. Oh, and I usually see more than one at a time, usually 2 or 3 floating by, usually in an arc starting low and going higher then going back low again.

The last place I saw these dark orbs were at church, they floated past the end of the pew where I was sitting, I didn't care for the energy I felt, we are having a bit of a hiccup at church, our pastor (and his wife) resigned/retired a few weeks ago and have left. We are in the process of searching out a new pastor, for now we have been using temporary guest pastors. I have faith that God will bring us the right one, but for now things are a bit upside down. I suspect that is what is drawing whatever these are.

I believe we are living in Biblical end times, I also believe that the closer we get to and in the end times, the thinner the veil is between the physical and the spiritual, there are more and more spiritual sightings, more people are seeing things they can't explain or understand. Those of us who are used to seeing these things are more prepared for this, those who aren't used to it are having a hard time with it.

What do you think?

Big Rigs At Night

Had yet another road intuition experience, on Friday I had driven to a town that is about 3 hours away from where I live, most of the ride is long stretches of 2 lane highways with little traffic and lots of nothing to see. It was getting dark when my friend and I were driving home,  I was driving, the speed limit is 75, I don't drive that fast at night, too many critters potentially running across the road. There was a big rig in front of me driving slower that I was, there was no other traffic around, I started gauging when it would be good to pass the truck.

I looked toward the left lane next to the truck and was about to speed up to pass, I immediately got a feeling not to pass, I can't explain exactly what I saw, but the space next to the truck seemed to be like a void, an empty, truly empty space, one that if we drove into it, would be paramount to driving into a black hole, as if we would cease to exist, I didn't think we would make it home if I passed this truck at that time. Needless to say, I chose to stay behind that truck for a while longer.

About 5-7 minutes later, that feeling left and I decided it was time to pass this truck, as I did, there was an on ramp to the highway, there were two big rigs on the on ramp entering the highway, they were going a bit too fast and when they merged onto the highway, their trailers whipped into the other lane, they took up both lanes temporarily. If I had passed the truck in front of me when I first wanted to, I believe I would have been right where those two trucks entered the highway, probably having an encounter that would have resulted in our deaths.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. I do put my feelers out for animals as I am driving, I felt nothing from them, and had none of them jumped out in front of me.

Intelligent Prickles

Had another one of those "little voice" experiences, well, maybe less of a voice and more of an intelligent prickle... a couple of days ago I was going to my friend's house, my neighborhood has nothing but unpaved, aka dirt roads that go up and down, in and out, there are no traffic signs (stop, yield or such), there is very little traffic and generally people drive pretty slow out here so traffic signs aren't necessary.

So, on my way to my friend's house, I came upon a T in the road, I had to turn one way or the other, the direction I turned (to the right) causes me to make a choice between going over some major bumps in the road, actually they are deep ruts that are washed out from the last rain we had, or I have to go wide to miss the rough patch and I end up on the wrong side of the road, I'm also in the process of driving uphill, quite steeply, so driving on the wrong side of the road, going uphill and turning at the same time, got that? OK, before I went into the turn, I scan left and right to make sure no one is coming, that includes cars, trucks, 3 and 4 wheelers, pedestrians, horses (with or without riders), dogs, cats, donkeys, deer, javelinas, or other things, if it is moving, I have to yield or stop no matter what.

I didn't see anyone or anything coming in either direction, there usually isn't anyone coming, we have very little traffic, so I put out my "feelers" to detect if anyone or anything was coming, my feelers prickled back from the direction I was about to turn toward, so instead of pulling wide to the left to miss the rough road (which would have put me on the wrong side of the road and going face to face with what or who ever was coming) I slowly pulled across  the rough patch, staying very close to the right side of the road.

Sure enough, a jeep with a young driver (I know who he is) came around the corner toward me, not going too fast but fast enough that he skidded just a little when he saw me, I think he over compensated a bit, turning his wheel harder and hitting the brakes a bit. Had I not "felt" him coming, I would have been on the wrong side of the road, heading face to face with him, we probably wouldn't have hit each other, but it could have happened, it would have put me in a bad spot... at any rate, I do actively use my feelers, especially on blind turns and such where I am more likely to have a problem if I'm not alert (or alerted) to what is coming...

This also works for me when I am driving at night, that is pretty rare having to go out after dark, but occasionally necessary. The biggest problem that could happen while driving after dark is the critters that come out, the same ones I listed above, the most dangerous ones are deer and javelina, and the occasional skunk, dog, fox or coyote. The first two will really mess you up if you hit one, especially if you are going at higher speeds, the rest of them will just make a mess of your car but could still cause you to lose control... so the thing I do is I drop my speed considerably, I do not do 70 which is the typical highway speed out here until you get into the neighborhood, then you do 5-15 at night. Again, I put out my feelers as I am driving, and when I get that prickle, I slow down even more and look for whatever it might be, I will often see the critter, sometimes I don't, but it has saved my bacon more times that I can count.

---

On another note, I am seeing a lot more things, such as movements in the air, shadows and amorphous shapes shooting across my field of vision, we aren't talking floaters either, I have methods to detect whether or not it's something going on with my vision, when I see something, I'll slightly move where I'm looking, if the thing moves with me, then I know it's a floater or something going on inside my head, if it stays in the same place or continues to move in the same manner, then I know it's outside of my head, in 3D space in front of me.

Sometimes these things are like sparks of light, sometimes a single spark, sometimes multiple sparks (like a sparkler), sometimes it's like a shadow, smoke like, I don't recall seeing anything really solid though, it's usually transparent or semi-transparent. It's almost always in the air above me, just slightly, maybe a foot or two above my head level, though it can be lower, closer to floor level. These things typically last a second or two, I don't ever recall seeing something like this for longer, it's almost a streak, by the time I really get a good look it's gone. I do wish I knew what these are, I have some theories, but no proof.

Faith

It's funny, for some people they absolutely have to understand something before they will accept it, fortunately that isn't the case for me, that's not to say I don't have a curiosity about how things work, I do, but I have enough faith to accept that which I do not understand.

One of those things in my life is my "ability" to know something or someone is about to enter my life (for the first time or again). What happens is I will suddenly, usually out of the blue think of something or someone, it will be more than just a passing thought, it will often remain on my mind, I have learned through past experience that usually means I will be getting a phone call, or I'll run into that person soon. It happens more often with people, but sometimes it happens with inanimate objects too.

This just happened tonight, let's backtrack a bit. Many years ago, I had made a special music CD for my (late) mom, this was a song that I created using software called Sonic, the song was a techno song, I even made a hand drawn label to go in the CD case. I thought I had lost that song and CD, I didn't have the original anymore, there are a precious few copies, but they seemed lost too. The other day I thought about that song, I lamented the fact that I probably would never hear it again. I thought about that CD and song off and on for most of the day, then put the thought away.

This evening, I was chatting online with my sister, she told me that she found her copy of that CD, she had misplaced it too, I was so excited, she is going to make a copy and scan the hand drawn cover too, I will once again have this song and a copy of the cover.

Now for the understanding part, I wonder how this works, is it a matter of my "mind" knowing more about what is going on in time and space and somehow I knew I was about to "find" this lost item again, or did I somehow put out the intention of wanting to find it again and that is how it came back into my life again (I drew it into my life)...

I don't believe these are just coincidences, it happens too often, I have no "proof" to provide, I just know it happens, and happens frequently and regularly. I don't "try" to do it, I don't try to control it, it just happens. Fortunately I am usually able to recognize it as it is happening, usually about people, not so much about things, I will start thinking about someone and I start looking for them, knowing I will see or talk to them soon, usually within a week or less.

High Strangeness In The Store

Had an interesting experience last Thursday,  I am a driver for a visually impaired friend, we went to a health food store in town, there were very few people in there, my friend had everything she needed and was about to check out, there was someone ahead of her so it was going to be a few minutes before it was her turn, so I decided to go back a few aisles and look around for a minute. There wasn't anyone near me, as I walked I was punched in my left shoulder, it wasn't a violent act, but it was harder than just a mere muscle twitch. I turned around fully expecting to see someone standing there, perhaps someone I knew or perhaps someone accidentally ran into me and was about to say "excuse me" or "sorry".  There was no one there, there was NO ONE there, I turned all the way around, I even said "what?" out loud, sometimes I get an answer, but there was no response. I don't know who or what that was, I just know it happened.

I didn't feel anything in particular (other than the shoulder punch), I didn't detect anyone or anything, but someone or something was definitely there, not sure what they or it wanted, that was as far as it went.

I have had strangeness happen in stores before, I have walked down a long aisle, all by myself, on concrete floors, and had things like boxed cereal begin to fall, one by one as I passed, maybe a few feet further, I have had to tell whatever it is to stop it, then I went back and picked up the boxes, it has happened on several occasions to me, fortunately it hasn't happened in a long time.