It's been a while since I've written, in my last post I talked about a new realization about some of the things that happened in my childhood, things I didn't understand, but now I have a new understanding about it. I am once again comfortable with everything, even the things that have changed.
One thing I had to come to a conclusion about was how this fits into my religious views, I hesitate to use the term religion because IMHO religion is how MAN screwed up our relationship with God, when I say MY religious views, I'm really saying my relationship with my Lord.
The conclusion I came to was it didn't matter what happened to me then, now or anything in between, I am still the same person, God is still God and nothing else matters or can change that.
So with that out of the way, I can continue with my journey. Things have been fairly quiet since writing last, I still see things on a daily basis, movements, sparks of light, shadows, the normal daily things, but still pretty quiet, until the last few weeks. I have been seeing extra things, one thing in particular is a flash of light inside the house, I know it's not just "in my head" because it happens in a particular space, between objects in my house, if it was just my eyes playing tricks, then it would be superimposed over my view obscuring everything.
I have seen this flash of light in a place where there are electronics, BUT the LED lights on this electronic item doesn't face toward the wall, it's over near my off grid power setup inside the house, the flash reflected off the wall, when I first saw it I was concerned that it could have something to do with the electronics there, then when I considered it, I knew there was no way there could be a light THERE, there just isn't a spot that could generate a light that would reflect off the wall in THAT SPOT. I have seen that a couple of times. I have no idea what it is or what it could mean.
The other thing that is new, well new in that I haven't seen this phenomena since I was a pre-teen, I used to see this nearly every night, it used to scare me a little, I think the purpose of seeing it was to try to scare me, eventually I quit being afraid of it, even getting mad at it and telling it that I wasn't afraid of it anymore, that's when it stopped happening on such a regular basis.
Now to explain what I saw, my bed is next to 2 windows, the window nearest my feet goes to the outdoors, the window closest to my head is the common wall between the bedroom and the shower. This shower area is large, like a good size walk in closet, there are 2 big windows in there that are on the outside wall, they stay open most of the time. The window between my bedroom and the bathroom has a plastic translucent sheet hanging on it, the idea is to give privacy to the person in the shower and still let light into the bedroom. This plastic sheet is attached at the top and the bottom so it can't billow around when the wind blows or when you go in or out of the shower.
The light in the shower gives off a tiny bit of light, even when the switch is in the off position, it's an issue with the wiring that we have deemed to be safe, a happy accident, we treat it like a night light. I can see the light from my bed through the plastic sheet.
Last night when I went to bed, it was actually early this morning (I am a night owl), I was facing the window, I could just faintly make out the glow of the light in shower, the wind was calm. I began seeing what looked like a shadow going back and forth in the shower area, it was quite active, it was as if there was a large bird flying back and forth, except if there had been a bird in there, as fast as the shadow was flitting back and forth, it WOULD have run into something or made some sort of noise, this was silent. I'd estimate the object I was seeing was perhaps a couple of feet in length, maybe a foot in width but with trailing black as if it had fabric that was flying out behind it, it was in the middle to upper part of the room.
I lay there, watching this movement, it was happening right in front of my face, no "corner of my eye" going on, it was constant, fast, erratic, it didn't scare me though, what made me realize it was a spiritual thing, or at least not of this world, was the fact that every now and again whatever thing dark shadowy thing was, it popped through the wall close to the ceiling, it would come in to my room, right over my bed, it would enter about a foot then flit back. It was mostly solid, but with a slight translucence to it.
I could also see the reflection in the glass of the door to my bedroom, there is a reflected light from the nightlight in the main room of the house. I could see a shadow moving around there too, but the main activity was going on just a couple of feet away from me, right in front of my face.
I watched this for a few minutes, then I closed my eyes to pray, I plead the Blood of Jesus on myself and I asked for the white light of protection around me, then I opened my eyes again, the shadow was still there, just as active as it had been, continuing to pop through the wall above the window into my room then shooting back.
I tried looking in different ways, following the shadow, then keeping my eyes on one spot as the shadow flashed back and forth. The best way I can describe it is, think of how it looks when you see reflected firelight from a candle or campfire, the light flickers and plays on the objects in the area, well if you were to make the light be dark, that's how it looked, it flickered, it flicked, it shot back and forth in the shower space. There was about a half moon last night, so there was a bit of light from outside, plus the tiny bit of light from the light fixture, this shadow was flying in front of that.
I finally fell asleep, I woke about an hour later, it was just before the sun was about to start coming up, still dark outside, I was still facing the window, the shadow was gone, the room looked perfectly normal, I looked hard and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
This didn't scare me, I wasn't concerned about going to sleep with it going on, I don't know what it was, I wonder if it will be back tonight when I go to bed, I'll look to see. I have no interest in communicating with whatever this thing is, I'm not sure if it's a spirit thing or an alien thing, I'm not sure if this was something that was just there and I happened to be able to see it, or if it was there specifically FOR me to see, I am leaning toward the latter.
The similarity of what I used to see as a kid, I would go to bed, the lights would be turned off, there was almost always enough light coming in from outside of the window, there must have been a streetlight out there. I could usually easily see what was in my room-the walls, the furniture, my toys... until this black shadow thing would arrive, sometimes it would be there as soon as the lights went out, sometimes it would appear long after the lights were out. This thing didn't have a shape, it was just big and dark, it would roll and boil, obscuring my vision, filling the room, causing me much fear and sometimes even terror, I would pray and pray, it would eventually go away. I also had nightmares about it. I don't know if this is the same thing or a similar thing, it just reminds me of it because of being dark and flitting around.
With this activity ramping up, I don't know what to think about it, it doesn't disturb me, it just IS.