Friday, January 29, 2010

OK, now what?

So how does one reconcile the fact that I hear a voice (inside my head) that isn't ME, yet I know I'm perfectly sane, at least by most medical and psychological standards? Oh, I'm not having a problem with this, but the rest of the world sure might. I had a psychologist, who knew me very well, tell me that I should apply for MENSA, she also told me that some of the less than sane people she dealt with were also some of the most intelligent and interesting people she knew. Hmmmm, makes you wonder...   Darn it, I miss her.

Let me tell you about this voice, it's been with me most, if not all of my life, as far back as I can remember. I don't have a conversation (or even argument) with this voice, it just breaks in every now and again when needed to give me some information. Some would call it my guardian angel, some might call it my higher self, or intuition, some might even say it was God, I never named it, it's not like that, it just is and always has been with me. When I hear it, it does sound very similar to my own thought track/chatter that goes on most of the time. But when I hear it, I know it didn't originate from MY thoughts. It's not intrusive, no it doesn't tell me to do crazy things, in fact it has guided me and helped me on more than one occasion.

In fact, the times I do get into "trouble" is when I don't listen to the voice. For example, I used to drive a half hour to work (and the same back home again). I had multiple ways I could go, sometimes I took the freeway, sometimes I took the back roads. I might be driving on the freeway, and the voice would say, "Take the next exit...", I was being directed to get off the freeway and go another way, so I would take the next exit, upon cresting the next hill, I would see the cars still on the freeway would be at a standstill, either a wreck, or some other reason the cars would not be moving. I was forewarned to take another route, I would miss the traffic jam and get to work (or home) in time. Sometimes I wouldn't see what the potential problem or reason was for the detour, but I always listened. 

It was when I didn't listen that things went wrong, like the time I was working at a fast food taco shack, it was a slow night, we were within an hour of closing, the other employee and I were taking a break in the office before starting our closing duties. We heard the front door open and customers walking in, we both got up and started walking toward the front counter. As I walked out of the office, I passed the back door, everything in my being was insisting very hard (in my head) for me to go out that door, leave and not to look back. I wrestled with that, how could I just walk out the back door for no apparent reason? How would I explain THAT to anyone, "Yeah, this "voice" in my head told me to do it...". 

So I walked up to the front counter, with that voice continuing to insist, very hard, that I turn around and go out the back door. Well it turned out that the "customers" who had walked in had other ideas besides buying tacos. They robbed us at gunpoint, that was one of the scariest nights of my life, looking into the wild eyes of the very high man who was pointing a loaded revolver in my face, he was yelling too. Things turned out ok, no one was hurt, I wonder how things might have turned out if I had LISTENED to that more than insistent voice that night?

Yeah, you bet I listen now, I have listened without hesitation from that night on.

Sometimes that voice tells me something that hasn't happened yet but will. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen on a semi-regular basis. When it happens, it's rather matter of fact, for instance I will be thinking about someone, and the "voice" says "________ will call...", or "You will see them soon...",  just like that, and it always happens like it says it will happen. I don't try to make this happen, I don't ask this voice for guidance, it is there when I need it though.

I wonder about other people who hear voices that aren't their own, people who aren't able to function in "normal" society, people who are classified as crazy, that man or woman who is standing in some public place carrying on a conversation with some unseen voice, of course now days that could just be someone talking on a hands free phone. But seriously, I wonder if these people are just wired differently are are hearing something that is every bit as real as me talking to you here? Maybe they have some chemistry or physical oddity in their brain that allows them to connect with the unknown, unseen but very real other dimensions.

Think about other animals and insects that can hear far above or below what we can hear, or what about those who can see into the spectrum that we are unable to perceive? The honey bee for example can see into the UV range, we are not supposed to be able to. I wonder if some of these people, considered on the fringes of society, the insane, the medicated, what if they are able to peer into these other realms, even interact with it, what if the rest of us are the ones with the limitations, what if we, the "normal" ones are really missing out on something wonderful?

I'm not saying that mental illness is something to strive for, nor am I making light of it, I realize it is a serious subject. I just try to think outside the box, maybe I'm wired a bit differently myself, and if I am, I would not have it any other way. :)

I did a Google search about this subject matter, it's interesting what I found.
Google Search
Hearing Voices

I started this post several weeks ago, I debated whether or not to publish it for the world to read, it is, after all, not generally considered acceptable to "hear voices" that aren't your own. I decided to go ahead and push the button and accept whatever comes my way as a result, I have bared a part of my inner self, my soul to you, my readers. This is who I am, my friends and family members who really know me, are often amazed when they learn how much this IS a part of my life, part of my psyche, part and parcel of who I am. One friend commented the other day that she just realized that I really DO listen to my intuition, I said "Yes, it's never lead me wrong."

A few days ago, something happened to me that many would have brushed off as coincidence, I don't now, though at the time I was perfectly happy to think it was nothing. I'm not ready to write about it yet, I will say that I might have a possible explanation for the things I see, the shadows, the movements, the dark and the light things. I'm still working on it, when I have something more concrete, something I can put down in writing, I'll post it here. Stay tuned.


  1. You're far from being alone. I do too, many do. I have most of my life and more so in 1997 at age 44. Great new article out on the subject this week. Check this out.

    Many children hear voices; most aren't bothered

    SOURCE: The British Journal of Psychiatry, January 2010

  2. Thanks, I don't think I'm nuts, I just think the rest of the world at large might think it a tad bit strange. I suspect many more people than will admit it also have the "voice in head that's not mine" phenom.


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